It’s three weeks into the New Year and in those three weeks I’ve said no to various projects.
One because I’ve learnt if I don’t agree with or understand why something is being done, it undermines my belief in the work and that never ends well. A second because I began to see signs of imbalance in the relationship and people stifling experts including myself from doing the work needed. If you apparently know better despite me working in an industry you never have, who am I to stand in your way? Let me go elsewhere. Another because it is just not what I planned for myself this year and it doesn’t offer enough to make me deviate from the plan.
Interestingly though, I always question myself when I say no. Have I really thought it through? Does it mean I lack character or resilience if I don’t stick it out? I’ve always been taught good people are selfless. I’ve had multiple conversations with people where despite huge, long term challenges with institutional culture and with no evidence that those institutions are ready to make genuine changes, still stay in the hopes that they will be the chosen one to make a difference.
I respect that position. There has to be one ready to challenge but I also think we have to be selective on who we enter martyrdom for. I’m in a place where I’m screaming for the world to normalise saying no to suffering in the workplace because we think it’s the right or credible thing to do. Some people/organisations just cannot be saved and have built a whole mechanism for keeping things the same either by recruiting people just like them or ‘yes’ people .
I watched an interview conducted by Angela Rye of a lady called Devi Brown. She stated, beautifully, that she is not available for anything that isn’t mutually beneficial. Nothing. At all.
Whoooo I felt a whole new world of opportunity unlock in that one statement. She opened the door to the concept of allowing yourself to be served by everything single you do. Essentially a balance between being intentional and putting yourself first. Not easy to do when you’ve spent a lifetime thinking your value comes for being supportive of others.
If I’m honest I gained joy from seeing other people winning – that’s a large part of why I do the work that I do – but I overlooked the part that, in some instances, serving others, particularly those who consciously or inadvertently know nothing but to take , led to being drained or vulnerable. There’s no real virtue in service when it’s one sided and it sets you up for resentment.
So I’m here for the idea that if both of us are not being served in an arrangement – whether it’s a personal or professional relationship – there either needs to be a change or we part ways.
And service shouldn’t be centred around money. I genuinely believe that energy attracts energy and while in a working environment everything you do should lead to or generate money, what’s vital is that you feel good too. I’m someone who is prepared to walk away from money if it feels like my spirit would be unsettled in a dynamic with someone.
So 2022 this is a deal breaking boundary being set. I’m not going anywhere if I don’t want to, I’m not doing anything I don’t want to. I’m not draining my very life force unless I absolutely want to. What are you saying no to this year?
