I do that thing that wellness experts tell you not to do. I picked up my phone immediately after opening my eyes this morning and saw a WhatsApp from a journalist friend of mine. It was an article by an American woman called Shauna Knox called The Impossible Dilemma of Black Female Leadership: The Tragedy of Nobody Seeing Us Even When Everybody’s Watching and it explores the experiences of Black women in charge.
I’d seen the article doing the rounds but as it had been sent directly I clicked the link. (I have this thing that if something comes to you more than once you need to take an action. Multiple missed opportunities have taught me that lesson.)
As I read through the article I felt the familiar pang of hurt deep in the centre of my chest. The feeling deepend when I got to this section:
“So, the Black woman who leads in service of Black people, whose circumstances are in fact deeply upsetting, will invariably find herself drowning in an ocean of White discontent—and even those for whom she is sacrificing herself will not come to save her, because they know her fate is certain, and they are fighting to survive.”
Honestly, tears formed as a woman thousands of miles away from me had articulated and validated my experiences as a talent manger. I had explained my perspective to multiple people – looking for comfort and reassurance that I wasn’t making it up in my head I suppose – and it didn’t really feel like people ‘got it’ but here was Shauna, giving my feelings words.
Three instances sprung instantly to mind:
Incident 1
“It’s not them. It’s you! You’re too Black. You’ve got a chip on your shoulder”.
This is what a client spat at after a global white-led PR firm didn’t follow through on an invite to an event that they had already been extend to them a year prior to working with them. During the contract it was clear the client was being treated differently and I had challenged it in the most professional way. But the client felt it was just part of “the game” that we had to play. My spirit couldn’t accept that.
Incident 2
“I’ll teach you how to navigate white people” – A response in the face of blatant disrespect from a white publicist which I advised the client we no longer deal with.
I’ve navigated white people my entire working career and quite frequently have had to have conversations around their behaviour. You have to pick your battles in any scenario irrespective of race but the quickest way to trigger me is to disrespect me.
The advice from the client was to kill them with kindness instead. I didn’t think the returns were particularly worth a piece of my dignity. We later got feedback that this particular publicist had generally been problematic.
Incident 3
“It’s you. You’re having a personality clash. Fix it”
This came after I warned them about the bad behaviour of a booker experienced by myself and a member of my team who is white.
Once the client had to deal with them directly they instructed me to never allow them to book them again.
One of my strengths is the ability to read situations and people, usually quite accurately and I “use my powers” for the “good” of those who work with me to protect them. However, what I have found is that clients often miss the violent impact their responses can inflict those of us on the front line of defence.
As someone who takes her work quite personally – because you’re essentially managing a person’s life – imagine constantly being slammed – as the buffer between the f***ery and the client and then again by the client themselves. It’s a special kind of infliction that has made me think frequently about closing that side of my business.
Shauna continues, explaining that this phenomenon rears its head whether Black women are leading within an institution or – like in my case – you’re leading your own organisation. Then a choice has to be made: assimilate or be alienated.
“If a Black woman leader decides to play the game of racial self-denial in order to ascend institutional structures, my theory holds that she will be unable to recover what she has hidden of herself and will, in fact, be lost.” writes Shauna.
So what do we do?
Black women (and people generally) are quickly reminded that race is a social construct to be ignored in order to succeed and lambasted for ‘playing the race card’ if it’s mentioned despite us not creating the deck. Yet its oppressive nature doesn’t go unfelt. It has an influence on the 60,000 plus decisions we have to make every day to not fall fowl to being blacklisted or labelled.
Concepts like ‘Black Girl Magic’ and ‘Black excellence’ were created to remind us we are worthy and to help us survive the onslaught. However, they too have ultimately become a point of flagellation for the community when they choose rest rather than constantly functioning at high speed which can be detrimental to a person’s wellbeing.
In this moment, I’m not sure what the remedy is besides growing thicker skin and accepting that this is the scenario we find ourselves in. Or maybe it’s following my peers who now split their time between here and the continent. Whatever it is, I’d like to thank Shauna for making me feel seen, finally.
