I deserve pretty things.
That’s such an important statement for me to see. I’m currently having lunch in the Leonardo Royal Hotel St Pauls, waiting for the announcement of the winners of the BBBAwards later tonight.
I’ve decided to stay overnight so I can have one night where I’m not kicked in the head by a 2 year old or have to sleep on the very seam of the bed’s edge. And I want you to know it was hard to decide to stay. Only the realisation that it is in fact a business expense made me consider it.
Today has felt very surreal. It’s a Thursday for one and my levels of anxiety are at a kinda 20% simmer rather than a 95% roar. My children are supported where they are. My mum – from what I know – is doing what she loves best: window shopping. And all – at least for the moment – feels right with the world.
It’s a stark contrast from yesterday and the preceeding days where I was dealing with client break ups, team break ups, family responsibilities, client negotiations, publicists, external clients, a rambunctious two year old et al.
I feel like I say it in every post I do but, yet again I acknowledge, that running a business alongside family alongside your own thoughts and considerations as a woman, as a person is a lot.
Today just feels so special. As I walked through London the city felt foreign to me though it’s home. I walked past the steps of St. Paul’s cathedral and realised I’d never seen it up close. I also got stopped by a group of A-Level photography students who asked if they can take a photo of me.
I then stepped into the hotel’s foyer and felt like a superstar executive. It was so weird and THAT unnerved me. I have always been someone who is grateful and never takes anything for granted but I was sad that this feeling of luxury was alien to me. I’d spent too much time thinking my value came through my struggle.
It manifested itself in constant aches and pains which is not sexy nor inspiring. My life is filled with the joys of amazing clients but the warnings of taking it easy, even from those who had just met me were regular. I hadn’t seen some of my longest serving friends for months and to be honest I felt keeping my head down was more important. After all I told myself I’ve got kids. Noone is going to build this business but me.
But the feelings today are overwhelming and emotional. I felt loved in this moment and realised that maybe I had been missing that time with self. As I walked through to the restaurant for launch my spirit shouted I deserve this!
A school mate of mine instagrammed me after I posted the restaurant and said Until one can live the soft life on someone else’s dime then the least one can do is allow our self the soft life 🥰
I mean, yes! Why did everyone else seem to get this concept but me?! However I need to understand not eveyone is on the same path and maybe I just needed to hear this message today.
So as I wind down this post and get ready to check in early and head for the steam room, this is a reminder to everyone but most importantly to myself, that we all deserve a little TLC in our lives. Not every day must be struggle.
